On Esoteric Sexology
What is a sexologist?
Just like a biologist studies biology, a sexologist studies sexuality. We are interested in what people do sexually, what motivates them and how they feel about it. Sexology encompasses many different fields such as biology, psychology, medicine, gender studies etc. so it can look a lot of different ways depending on your approach. You can be involved in research, counseling or as in my case, sexual education, coaching and bodywork. As a sexologist I have received education and training in the field of human sexuality. I am continually accessing the latest research to build my knowledge and understanding in an effort to be able to provide you the most accurate and up to date information.
What is Somatic Sex Education/Sexological Bodywork?
Sexological Bodyworkers are Somatic Sex Educators supporting individuals, couples and groups to learn to direct their own erotic development, learn about their bodies, sex and sexuality, or work through sexual issues or concerns. We offer safe, guided learning opportunities that consciously access profound ecstatic and erotic states. Our teaching involves a variety of modalities, including breathwork, touch, erotic massage, pelvic release work, scar tissue remediation, and Orgasmic Yoga coaching. These experiences can include coaching in breath, movement, body-awareness, boundary-setting, communication, anatomy, sensate focus, massage, erotic trance and other body-based teaching about sex. Uniquely in the professions, we are trained to do genital and anal touch for education, healing and pleasure. We touch in ways that assist students in developing presence within the body, opening interior awareness, and learning how the body can feel more and more alive.
Sexological Bodyworkers introduce to our students to a state of arousal that is free of fantasy, unfinished emotional business, religious dogma, cultural caveats and habitual sexual behaviors. In this meditative state, an individual becomes aware of the body as a source of wisdom and freedom. Helping others access and make use of a variety of erotic states is foundational to the education we offer.
Who do I work with? What does my typical day look like?
I work with singles and people in relationships who have sexual issues, want to rekindle their connection or want to try a new skill/fetish/fantasy. Usually these are one-to-one sessions. Occasionally it’s a one off session – if someone has a specific question they need answering – usually something like “it takes me a long time to get aroused or to have an orgasm. Is this normal?". They normally just need reassurance or a few helpful tips from someone holding safe space.
But most of the time I like to see them over several sessions. Often their whole lifestyle is not set up for sexual pleasure. First there must be the intention to do something about that, then there is trying to implement that change. When this happens, other parts of their life are invariably affected too. Sex is complicated and it affects all parts of a relationship.
I work with all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures. I believe that everyone deserves pleasure and sexual well-being, and I invite you to discover your fullest erotic potential.
The most satisfying sessions are with people who are engaged in their personal journey of growth and sexual exploration. They often have some experience exploring their sexuality and are aware of how sex connects with the rest of their lives. Some people have specific questions or concerns they want to explore, while others are curious to discover what comes up as they increase their abilities to build and contain pleasure.
What happens in a Sexological Bodywork session (Intimacy Coaching)?
In a bodywork session somatic sex educators teach through body experiences designed to nurture, deepen or awaken the sensual self. These experiences can include coaching in breath, movement, body awareness, boundary-setting, communication, anatomy, sensate focus, massage, erotic trance and other body- based teaching about sex. We are trained to do genital and anal touch for education, healing and pleasure. We touch in ways that assist students in developing presence within the body, opening interior awareness, and learning how the body can feel more and more alive. Couples can learn to navigate sexual differences and explore new erotic possibilities with body-based learning and guided practice.
What I don’t do
I do not have sex with people as a professional extension of what I do (you would be surprised at how many people think that). I am not a medical doctor to do not treat, diagnose nor do I prescribe drugs. My focus is bringing awareness to the spiritual, healing nature of sexuality.
There are a few more things to keep in mind when thinking about my sessions:
This work is self-directed. This means that you, the client, get to choose what you want to explore, how you want to explore it, and how far you want to explore (of course within the parameters of Sexological Bodywork practice and ethics).
I am merely an educator, coach, and teacher. Although conversation about sexual history, trauma, and other personal subject matter might be discussed (this is expected), I am not a therapist. I encourage you, if mental health is required, to seek out trained and qualified mental health professionals. This work, however, has the potential to augment your mental healthcare.
All touch is one way. This means that touch will be from me, the practitioner, to you, the client, not the other way around. This is not only to respect professional boundaries, but also to provide you an opportunity to learn about receiving physical touch void of obligatory reciprocation.
Some of the work I am inviting you to do will happen before a session, much will happen during, and some will occur afterward. Because we are engaging and welcoming your entire being into these practices, I invite you to take inventory of your own erotic landscape before entering into session. In many cases (and per request) I can send an intake form to you before your first appointment. Keep in mind that depending on the level of work we do within a given session, shifts may occur long after you have left the appointment. I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and provide for yourself the utmost level of self-care.
And remember, when it comes to sex, there is no right way, there is no wrong way, there is just your way.
Where am I located?
I currently live and practice in Atlanta, GA. (Although, California is the only state in the US that officially certifies for Sexological Bodywork.) I offer coaching sessions via Skype and Zoom for our out of town clients and are excited to work with clients who are traveling through the Atlanta area. Just let me know!
How does a coaching session work? What does it look like?
At the beginning of each session there will be time set aside to create a container for our work together. This will usually entail some grounding breaths, discussions about questions and/or concerns, intention setting, and determining how your body would like to engage in your erotic coaching session. These aspects are especially important upon our first meeting. I honor rapport and trust.
REMEMBER: THERE IS NO RUSH!
I cannot stress this enough! This is your body, so it's important for you to know that we will go at your speed and engage you on your time frame. I will never pressure you to disrobe and jump on the massage table if you are not ready. This work is about consent and respect - respect for the spirit of our work and respect for your body.
BOUNDARIES ARE PARAMOUNT!
Oftentimes clients will express a certain level of confusion in the direction of their education. I will use my intuition based upon your intake, expressed concerns, discussions and previous sessions to suggest a path forward. At any time, it is your right to say "no." Because the context of these sessions are educational, teaching you how and when to say "yes" and "no" is a cornerstone to that learning - boundary setting.
Because a part of Sexological Bodywork may include genital touch and education, special care is taken to protect and create ease during these particular sessions. In doing so, gloves will be worn during any and all internal touch/massage. And always remember, this is your body. Your comfort level is highly important to me! So speak up if anything doesn't feel right.
During session I will continue to remind you of the 5 pillars - breath, movement, sound, touch, and intention.
During coaching sessions, clients sometimes struggle with staying present. This is common. It takes practice to re-integrate and break old habits. Be patient with yourself during this process. The fact that you are even engaging in this experience speaks volumes! I will always help lead you back to your body. Communication is also key. I will continue to engage you on how various aspects of the session are going and if there is anything you would like less or more of. Again, this is a process. The more you do it, the easier it will become to know what your body wants.
Savoring and Integrating
At the end of every session, there will be a time for savoring. Savoring is a time of rest we set aside after each hands-on session to provide your body an opportunity to reflect, integrate, and process the data of the session. Think of it as the "afterglow." After a session, the client can be very open to the spiritual plane. Savoring often allows time for important information to come through in the form of thoughts, images, and/or answers to a particular need or question. Of course, each experience varies from client to client.
Most importantly, have fun and always remember that ALL of you is welcomed!
What does a typical first session look like?
Sex and Intimacy Coaching is an amazing experience, but it’s not the right fit for everyone. So before you come to see me, we’ll schedule a 30 minute phone call so we can talk about whatever is going on for you and how I can be of service to you. If we both decide that sex and intimacy coaching would be useful, we’ll plan our first session and you'll be sent an intake form. If I am not the right practitioner for you or if another approach would be more useful for you, alternative suggestions will be discussed. My ultimate goal is to help you get the support and learning you need, whether that’s with me or not.
Do you have to do anything you don’t want to do?
I like to think of this work as taking a road trip. You’re driving the car and you decide how fast we go and where we’re headed. I’ll make sure we stay on course and offer suggestions for things to explore, but ultimately, you’re the one in charge. That means that we depend on you to be an active participant in this process. This work is self-directed.
At the start of each session, we’ll talk about the goals for our time together and discuss how we’ll work towards them. We’ll only do the work that you actively say yes to, and you can change any part of your yes to a no at any time. If there’s something that you say no to at the beginning, it will be a no for the rest of that session. We sometimes have the impulse to change our minds partway through an experience, and while that can often work out well, it can also lead to regret or discomfort later on. I want to make sure that doesn’t happen, so your no will stay a no for that session. There’s always an opportunity to explore it in the future. Of course, there are also maybes. You might not know how something will feel until we move towards it. Part of making sure that a maybe has become a yes is checking in before proceeding.
As an educational process, Sex and Intimacy Coaching is most effective when we’re following the ever-changing learning edge. As you develop new skills, your comfort zone expands and we need to stretch in order to keep learning. You are in control of that process and you set the pace.
What outcomes can you expect?
Sex and Intimacy Coaching can help you be more present in your body, experience more pleasure, tune into your authentic sexual desires, and be more embodied during sex. Learning how to state your needs and desires without shame or guilt can make your sexual relationships more passionate, more fulfilling, and far more satisfying. Also, exploring boundaries around yes and no and discovering what it is that your body truly desires at any one moment helps build a better level of self-awareness and sexual liberation.
What's my policy on hygiene?
Because the work that I do involves working with your body, I take special precautions to be as hygienic as possible. I also ask that you do the same. A shower beforehand cannot only relieve stress from a busy day, but it can also help prepare the body and mind for a deeply enjoyable session.
If, due to unforeseeable circumstances, you are unable to bathe beforehand, facilities are available on site for your use. This can be a great opportunity to wash away your day and prepare your body for embodied mindfulness.
What does a partner session look like?
I enjoy working with couples of any gender combination to help them build the sexual skills that can make sex easier and more pleasurable. Partner sessions usually focus on specific sexual massage practices, such as genital or anal massage. These skills are often learned best by having your practitioner demonstrate the techniques on the receiving partner and then coaching the giving partner through the various steps. That allows each partner to drop into the learning experience without worrying about taking care of the other.
A lot of people have had unenjoyable experiences with anal sex, often because they were too rushed, or they didn’t know how to make it pleasurable. If you’re curious about anal sex, if you’ve tried it and been unsuccessful, or if you’d like to learn new ways to make it feel amazing, let’s talk about how we can make that happen. I can teach you about anal massage, toys, pegging, and anal intercourse, safety, positions, and much more.
What about confidentiality?
I will always respect your privacy and will not disclose any information about you, including the fact that we are working together. If your practitioner needs support and/or advice from a colleague in order to best serve you, I will only share the relevant information with them and will not disclose any identifying information.
You are welcome to share anything about your experience of sex and intimacy coaching with anyone you choose. I encourage you to talk about it with your support network as part of your journey.
What type of gloves and massage oil do I use?
I use nitrile gloves for genital and internal anal touch. My preferred massage oil for both full-body and genital massage is coconut oil. I can also use a high-quality silicone and/or water-based lubricant for genital and anal massage, if so desired. If there is a specific product or a lubricant that works better for you, you are more than welcome to bring it to your sessions.
What challenges do people see me for?
In individuals with vulvas the top three issues I commonly see are low libido, little to no pleasure or enjoyment of sex and being anorgasmic. For individuals with penises it’s rapid ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Individuals with penises say they find it difficult to control their ejaculation and are not able to last as long as they would like to. This then is often coupled with finding it difficult to get or keep an erection.
For couples it is that they are best friends but not lovers, or they've lost their connection sexually. Or that they have different levels of desire – one wanting sex more than the other. Also, the inability to be honest about their desires without judgment.
What's the difference between sexological bodywork, sex therapy, and sex surrogacy?
Sexological Bodywork is quite distinct from sex therapy and surrogacy because the intention is to help you learn about your sexuality, rather than achieving psychotherapeutic goals. It’s the difference between education and therapy. Of course, Sexological Bodywork can support healing around sexual concerns, and many clients find that this approach helps them move more quickly through that process, however, it is not a substitute for therapy. For some people, Sexological Bodywork compliments their work with a therapist.
Sex therapy is similar to other types of talk therapy, but the focus is on concerns and/or questions pertaining to your sexuality. Sex therapists are especially trained to work with sexual issues unlike other therapists, but the nature of the experience is similar- the use of talk therapy to navigate and resolve life's challenges. The therapist might assign activities for you to try at home, but experiential learning does not take place during the sessions.
Sex surrogacy takes a slightly different approach. A certified surrogate works with a therapist to help clients build their awareness of and skills with physical and emotional intimacy. The surrogate and the therapist develop a plan and series of practices to support the psychotherapeutic goals that will best serve the client. The purpose of sex surrogacy is therapeutic, although of course, learning is a big part of that.
Is this licensed?
Complementary healing arts such as Somatic Sex Therapy and Sexological Bodywork do not currently require licensing. This is not psychotherapy or medical treatment, and we do not offer psychological or medical diagnosis, advice, or services.
When is payment due? Do you offer refunds?
If you have not previously purchased a session and/or package via my Book Now page. Payment will be due at the beginning of each session. While I value each client, I do not offer refunds for any booked service for any reason.
How do I book a session? Can I book a single session?
Sex and Intimacy Coaching is an investment in your sexual well-being and most people find that it takes more than one session to get the benefits. I also understand that it can be important to make sure that this is a path that will take you where you want to go.
Before we schedule a first session, I’ll have a 30-minute phone call to talk about your situation and how I can be of service to you. I’ll also send you an intake form so you can share more information with me. This allows me to start the conversation about the work and whether it’s a good match for you. If we both agree that coaching would be useful for you, I’ll arrange an intake session. If this isn’t the right course for you, I’ll do my best to suggest other resources.
The work I do is not only strictly educational it is also part of my spiritual practice - helping you arrive at a more embodied union between your sexuality and your spirituality. Currently, California is the only state that certifies for this work:
With reference to California Penal Code section 647(b) and CALCRIM Nos. 1153 to 1155, the services discussed herein do not in any way include or relate to either (1) engagement in any lewd act for money or other consideration, or (2) solicitation, offer, or agreement to engage in any lewd act for money or other consideration. SB577 : Complementary healing arts such as Somatic Sex Therapy and Sexological Bodywork do not require licensing by the state of California.
However, in Georgia state (where I physically practice), prostitution is defined as "sexual contact for the purpose of gratification." Although genital education via touch is sometimes given, for our purposes towards personal embodiment, it is purposefully and intentionally spiritual and educational in nature and scope.
For more information, connect with me!
Sex and Intimacy Coaching
Sessions with me
My Sex and Intimacy Coaching uses breath, movement, sound, touch, and intention to help you expand your capacity for embodied pleasure. I offer several different modalities, including pleasure mapping, erotic massage, pelvic release bodywork, anal massage for both relaxation and pleasure, masturbation coaching, and scar tissue remediation.
Pleasure mapping is a dynamic process of exploring what different kinds of stimulation feel like to you. It’s an important way of gathering information about your unique pleasure profile. It also gives you specific language about your sensations so you are better able to tell a partner what you like. Pleasure mapping can be especially useful for anyone whose sexuality has changed, whether from a medical condition, pregnancy and childbirth, aging, or physical injury. If a lover has ever asked you what you like and you didn’t know how to answer, pleasure mapping can be a great way to change that. Your sexual pleasures will change over time, and pleasure mapping is a wonderful exploration of what works for you now.
Erotic bodywork sessions give you the opportunity to learn how to use embodiment practices like breathwork and movement to increase your ability to experience pleasure while staying fully present in the moment. Using a variety of different techniques, you’ll gain new skills at riding waves of erotic energy. Once you’ve integrated those techniques into your repertoire, you can use them during any sexual interaction to heighten sensation and create more fulfilling experiences, whether on your own or with a partner.
Pelvic release bodywork can help you let go of muscular tension in a part of the body that is rarely touched outside of erotic contexts. You might be surprised to discover how much you’re holding and how relieving it feels to let it drop. Pelvic release bodywork can also bring more movement into your body during sex and give you more room for pleasure.
Anal massage has the potential to create a state of deep relaxation because the anus contains nerves from the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your resting state. Working with this part of the body to calm your nervous system can teach you new ways to sink into relaxation and deepen your embodiment. It’s an amazing experience in this rapidly moving world, especially for those who are chronically stressed.
Masturbation coaching offers you the opportunity to connect more deeply with your body. Most people learn to masturbate quickly and quietly, which creates habits that limit enjoyment. And many people continue to stick with the techniques they’ve used for years. Masturbation coaching helps you discover how the joys of solo sex can enhance your entire sex life.
Scar tissue remediation uses specific massage techniques to soften scar tissue and encourage fuller healing. Scars on your chest, abdomen, and pelvis can inhibit free movement of your body and your breath, and limit your pleasure. Scar tissue work can help lessen the effects of scars and improve your sexual capacity.
In all of my sessions, the focus is on your experience and how it can help you discover new freedom in your body, expand your pleasure, and release old patterns that no longer serve you. Touch is one-way, from practitioner to client, and I will always remain fully clothed.
Do you travel?
Yes. Please inquire for additional information.
Can I work with you if I live outside of the U.S.?
Yes. I offer The Work internationally. Please inquire within for additional info.